Love and be yourself, and feel good, feel like at home.

In order to be able to be yourself, you need to know the person you are.

And this supposes most of all, figuring out the edge of your possibilities. It implies knowing what you love and what you don’t, it suggests understanding what makes you comfortable, what bothers or troubles you, what pleases or scares you, or what gets you calm and serene.

The list of these things that are meant to allow us to define ourselves as a person in terms of behavior, habits, deep desires, visions, etc. is long and not exhaustive.

Some experts suggest having it written on a paper. I personally do not understand this system of writing on a paper the details of inner feelings and aspects of ourselves that are to my point of view, very sensitive and instinctive. I am not convinced that you can set a list of this just the same way you would set a shopping list. I believe these are close and inner situations, emotions and feelings that are too sensitive to be identified on the order. To my opinion, these are aspects of ourselves that should rather be discovered in the frame of a natural and spontaneous process rather than in a worked one. I can’t imagine the possibility of extracting them from one’s mind by just ordering it one morning, from a brain that already pains to put a name on each one of the millions emotions and thoughts that we are facing in our everyday lives. But, if effectively this may be efficient for some people in a certain way, why not?  

Investigating on oneself.

The self acceptance process is more or less similar to the romantic love process with its investigation phases. Trying to always know a little bit more about the loved one, inquiring the friends and surrounding of the beloved person, observing, getting interested in the functioning and in the real nature of the person,… All of these little information added one by one, are the key to engage a conversation, to discover some potential common points, etc. But most of all, this sort of investigating process is instinctive, natural. Even when the investigated information is not of a great use, trying to know more about the person object of the interest is natural because it gives access to an eventual proximity.

And so does it go with the self acceptance process. I am talking here about pure acceptance process, not about selfishness or self centeredness.

Self love versus selfishness.

There is no possible comparison between these concepts because selfishness and self centeredness are essentially based on the “Ego”, thus without any space or place for the respect and opinion of others. Yet on the contrary, self acceptance is defined by self respect and self esteem. But when the inner reserve of respect and esteem is full enough, the respect of others comes naturally. Actually, the construction of a respectable fund naturally arouses respect in return as well as admiration and esteem.

In a figurative language, self acceptance is elegance and selfishness vulgarity.

Accepting oneself is feeling good, feeling home.

Cherishing oneself.

Not only does self acceptance require knowing more than a little bit about ourselves, but it also requires taking care and doing things that please us. This begins with allowing ourselves to do certain things and most of all, it begins with forgiving ourselves for some other ones (not to say forgiving ourselves for everything). To give it a pragmatic image, it is treating oneself the way we would treat our own children or a little brother or sister, with love, understanding, and gentleness in a stress-free way.

The worst illnesses and diseases of these two last centuries have been accentuated by some auto-depreciating grounds, especially for people been hard on themselves. Love and accept yourself enough to avoid these kinds of diseases. You do deserve the best.

Furthermore, except ourselves (and our sweet mothers), no one will ever love us better than ourselves, so better do it correctly. No one will do it for us.

Self love and social interaction.

Furthermore, self acceptance is the KEY for a clever social interaction, because it is mathematically impossible to give others what you do not possess. It is thus this ridiculous to believe that a person with a low self esteem and self respect rate will be able to provide it to the numerous people he will be in interaction with. Yet, self acceptance and self esteem, because they develop an inner energy, a good mood, understanding, tolerance and generosity, have a more important physical and mental health impact than the romantic love, because this time the concerned person is not someone exterior to our system, but ourselves. This follows a mathematical ruthless logic.

Emotional independence.

And last, filling our inner reserve to its top with self acceptance, allows us to get the most liberating thing there is on earth: reaching an emotional and a moral independence. You are totally emotionally liberated from a lover, a boss, etc. and morally free from others, from their opinion, their values, functionning and system.

Nevertheless, like with any other reserve, you will need to feed and develop it regularly. So don’t hold back. ©

Extract of “Leg à ma fille” (under publication), Cornélia ANDRIAMASY.

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